The goal in life is working each and every day to become Better, Wiser, Stronger and Incurable Optimist. When you are ready for anything for whatever life brings to you, be it positive or negative then you have great opportunity to become wiser. Wisdom comes from experience you get from whatever you go through in life whether positive or negative. Sometimes we learn more from negative experiences than positive experiences.
My failures has sharpened me better than anything else combined, whether be it failures in exam, friendships, losing a job, business failing, relationship, marriage, investments, career, grief from losing very close people in my life, sickness myself and having very close person with chronic disease for long, betrayal, dealing with covid pandemic, buying a very old second hand car with thousands of problems, starting a business in worst location, a friend selling me all dead stocks after adding excitement for business of a side hustle, being taken advantage as an employee, fired from a job despite being a top performer out of a jealousy and so many others.
We all hate failures but am here to tell you nothing has made my life better looking and reflecting backwards than failure and the courage I have developed to face whatever failure comes my way. Before I had so much fear of failing, I almost died being afraid of failure. I didn't know how much fun I would get from enjoying failing as much as I hate failing. It has made me live life like a little child, made me a life enthusiast, a life go getter, a life explorer, I can now say I live my life. All the time I was so much afraid of failure I wasn't living but preparing to live. When I went to a relationship I was so much afraid of break up that it robbed me joy of enjoying the moment and even if it ends I know I really enjoyed myself for the time I had that relationship or marriage. I used to try to save and have this grand big plans for positive surprise only death to rob me of my mother without me taking her places I had wanted her to visit. Today I joke to my friends that whenever I miss my grandmother who raised me up since I was two years old I drive home without thinking twice, whenever I feel I need to send her money I don't even think twice or any close relative or my closest friends. Death taught me that you can have a person here now and the next second or minute they are dead never to return back. Since I have mourned severally I can tell you that what we mourn more is not what we had done but what was within our power which we hadn't done, created time to do or allocated resources to do since we thought we had all the time. All my breakups what I regret is the positive words I had planned to say, positive actions or activities I had planned to do which I didn't do. I envy those who have been married to their first time boyfriends or girlfriends but I also admire my world class heartbreak, they have been very educative. Sometimes am in a seminar or giving a talk as a Guest Speaker to people who have been in marriage for over 40 years and I thank God for my breakups since I still have something out of my practical life, my failures become golden, helps me to stamp authority on what I am speaking rather than my theory I have learnt from books. It's through failures that we get authentication stamp of authority on what we are speaking or life experience.
If anyone told me that breakups or heartbreak was good I would have cursed them, if anyone told me being denied a visa, work permit, missing a bus, a train, a plane, missing a promotion or being bypassed a promotion, losing an election which you were hundred percent that you will win, being outshines in a relationship, separation, divorce, going bankrupt, being fired from a job, failing severally in an exam, losing several deals, being behind payment of loans, having Guarantors on your neck, failing to keep your word when you are really a person of your own words, failing to submit assignments on deadline, failing in final exam, missing a very important appointment which meant everything in your life or which you had waited to transform your life, being held in airport, losing huge amounts of money, being conned by a grand Master, being taken advantage by sibling, very close relatives, losing someone through death who you are close, having a sick child, having a patient who has chronic sickness, buying a car that seemed okay only to find out it has a million problems that it converts you from being a car owner to a self mechanic, starting a business you know nothing about and being conned without being conned where your friends sells you all their dead stocks, finding yourself in catch 22 situations of life etc. Sometimes it's like failures and troubles has a way of finding you wherever you are no matter how good you are. Sometimes I used to wonder why does my friends who seems to be evil have so such lavish lifestyle, everything flows in their life, they are flossing, they enjoy life while deep down I knew I was a good person, doing my best to help where I could even to strangers but in everything I try to do or set my mind to do I always fail, struggle, meet failures everywhere even the most simple things. It was until I learnt the secret of the three mantra words I have shared that life is about being Wiser, Stronger and Incurable optimism.
When I learnt to focus on experiencing and living life itself worry departed in my life and today my smile is my brand. I always find a reason to smile about no matter what am going through. With my best friend we always tell each other, "It can never be worse" "Better Must Come" "As Within so without, as above so below" This affirmations have helped us steer so many storms for the last almost two decades. Yes we may not have the slightest results of what we aim in life but believe me the software is fully created and ready for any success or to handle any failure. We have handled storms and we are even ready for whatever life brings. We have learnt to have faith and we have learnt to smile and keep smiling. You need very close friend or two but my advice is always have three or four who don't know each other if possible who you share almost everything sometimes even if it's in parables and make sure one or two you not only share same principles but you have activities, investments or projects you do together. When we start marriage or serious relationship sometimes we lose touch with this few people in our closer circle who edify us and make us wiser, Stronger and Incurable optimist. Remember you can't be Incurable optimist without faith and you can't have faith without patience and there is no way you can have patience and fail to get better and better.
Focus ahead and embrace your failures. Reflect, learn from all failures, bitterness, painful past, reflect and choose forgive because remaining bitter, planning revenge only works against you since you don't learn, when you don't learn, you don't grow, when you don't grow you remain weaker than the experience found you. Being stronger is a trait reserved for those who forgive since they have learnt. Sometimes it's wiser to forgive but don't forget so that you build strong shock absorbers from being taken advantage next time. Smile but don't get stupid. A liar will always keep lying, a kind person will always be kind.
Focus on making this three things your life mantra if you want to have a Positive Self Image, focus on being Wiser, Stronger and Incurable Optimist. If your aim is to reach at the Top then you must focus on being Wiser or acting wiser each and every day. You must learn daily, build your knowledge so that when life happens, you will reflect, learn, forgive and out of that wisdom will flow. Wisdom flows from experience and experience is dual, both positive and negative. Learn to live your life ready for anything be it positive or negative. In a relationship we just gauge people from the current experience we have, but what we don't know is that there are some things you can't learn about a person until you start being engaged with them, live with them and other character traits comes after triggers, some experience provides triggers that makes one reveal who they really are. Yes gauge everyone the person you choose to marry, be a friend with, bring in your inner circle with your current all metrics, make sure you have selected the best you can but be ready for whatever comes. Some problems or mistakes are evolving, you might start a relationship where you are both down financially, no money, fame, influence, titles, status, very little achievement and boom, God shines one favor, and it seems from out of the blues that the person have changed not knowing it was poverty that was hiding their true character. Never ever think you really know a person who is broke. Any broke person can pretend to be whatever you want but wait until a man or woman have the means, resources, excelled in the higest level of academics, career, influence and their true Character will be revealed. There are friends who I thought I knew two decades ago who after they made big money, got influence, fame, rose to the highest ranks in leadership, bought best cars, houses, made strong investments, became stable, married notable people all of a sudden changed. Today I know better, they didn't change, that's how they were it's just that they hadn't had resources to reveal who they are. When they are now at the Top where we all admire to be, they believe neither religion, nor have regard for philosophy we are talking about but they think it's their brilliance, connections, influence that has helped them reach where they are. But if they wake up tomorrow and lose everything then they must learn a new philosophy, religion or believe in something in order to be back to the Top. Therefore we should teach each young man or woman importance of religion, belief, developing very strong faith in God, creator or whoever you choose to call Him and importance of developing right philosophy as your foundation when starting in life. If someone handed over to me what I have spent the last two decades learning, gave me the thousands or hundreds of books and articles I have read, sermons I have listened, learning about my culture, African traditional culture, Theology, philosophy, counseling, self image then I could have achieved success within the shortest time period ever. The good thing in life is that we are never late or too early, you can start at whatever age you are once you find this reality. Some are lucky to get the wisdom when they are very young, others have lived their life avoiding failure only to realize it's inevitable, it will one time locate you and when it comes late, it affects all your life dimensions. We need to teach more people about this philosophy of how they can be wiser, Stronger and Incurable optimism so they can have a very positive self image.
Let's meet at the Top with positive self image as you focus on being Wiser, Stronger and Incurable optimism.
Receive Warm Hugs and Greetings
From Dr Bonnie Kim
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